hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
