Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
