i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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