the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
