i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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