i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
