He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
