The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
