i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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