When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
