Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
