For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
