I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
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Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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