hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
