so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
