I think i peed on brittanys purse
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
