Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
