Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
