so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
