Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
