thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
