I will die if light touches me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
