he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
