I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
