She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
