How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
