I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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