Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
