Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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