i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
