if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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