i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
