my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
