never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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