My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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