I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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