Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
