I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
