i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
