guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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