Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
