I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
