The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize