how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
