I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
