Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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