My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
