Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
