your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
