You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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