Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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