hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
