Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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