I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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