Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
