My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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