speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
