Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
