i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
