we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
