I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
