I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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