I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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