East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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