I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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