Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
