i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
