Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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