Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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